Have a look at the pages on Scottish and Universal Investments and those linked to them. I think a wee bit of adding to the complex of Fraser related businesses would be useful.
What do you think?
--David 14:11, 9 Nov 2006 (GMT)
Can you explain the 'all over theworld' ref and who awarded him the resources or prize to do it and where he did it...? --David 16:06, 15 Nov 2006 (GMT)
Tommy, that's better. Still a little light on evidence and a few remaining assertive words which could be softened?? 'Shadowy networks' can you remove that phrase and substantiate the links? What other groups is it linked to? What arethe connections of the principals. Where is the Stockholm Network in all this? Let the evidence do the talking... --David 13:28, 6 October 2007 (BST)
'depleted' advisory board suggests it was bigger in the past? is this true? or do you mean 'small' advisory board?
Also re-read the last sentence: doesn't read well. Remove last of?
--David 14:52, 7 October 2007 (BST)
I suggest that 'of which Nurses for Reform is a member.' is always better.... --David 15:06, 7 October 2007 (BST)
also can you use the new reference format?
then at bottom of page
- full ref details
--David 15:08, 7 October 2007 (BST)
To add category links to the Water page you need to:
- create the categories by going to the relevant profiles and adding [[Category:title of category]] at the bottom.
- click on the category link and add a brief text describing the category and save
- Then highlight and copy the url and paste it on the water page eg [http://www.spinprofiles.org/index.php/Category:Water Water]
ok? --David 17:27, 20 February 2008 (UTC)
No, to create a category you need to create it on a particular profile page. Use the format above.
--David 18:27, 20 February 2008 (UTC)
Hi Tommy and Kyle
not sure if you ever visit this talk page Tommy as some old old stuff on there... I love the intro to the issues on the water portal page but as you read on, some parts of it are very academic in language and will prove impenetrable to the public.
I'm thinking of the section, "Context of the water debate" which in itself is a very academic/abstract title. We need to head downstream to a more tabloid style. can u rename someth like "The issues"? or "The problems with water"? Then looking at the text below the heading, the first para is great--simple declarative sentences, some very telling facts--but from 3rd para, "This shift is indeed facilitated by economic globalisation..." the boggle factor is high.
Have a look at the Help page called A Guide to the use of Tone http://www.spinprofiles.org/index.php/SpinProfiles:A_Guide_to_the_use_of_Tone --section called "Help the reader to understand", esp the bits on the Boggle Factor. I'd head towards simple action-oriented sentences--so-and-so does this, and the effect is that, etc.
Love your articles in the concepts category, as they provide an excellent intro to the main issues around water privatisation. But the title "concepts", while fine for a category for our own use, is not going to pull the public in to read those articles. NB this is not a problem peculiar to yr portal--it affects many of them to different degrees, including my GM portal.
You might want to have a look at what I've had to do on the GM Watch portal to try to get around this problem of accessibility of our articles to the public. http://www.spinprofiles.org/index.php/GM_Watch:_Portal I've renamed the "Categories" box "Articles" and put in a leader: "An A-Z list of articles on the people and groups behind the push for GM crops and food is here." and then when they click on "here", it's actually a hidden link to the category "GM", which I'm in the process of ensuring all my articles are classed under.
In your case, rather than waiting for the public to grasp that if they want to know what the basic issues are around water, they have click on a Category (what's that?) called "Water: Concepts" (what's that?)---
---cd you perhaps put a sentence in the Issues box saying someth like "Read about the main issues on water here" (hidden link to category). Even better would be to have that lead-in to the whole category AND underneath, a lead-in sentence to each article that you have in the Concepts category with a link, such as "The idea has taken hold among policy-makers that access to water is not a basic human right or a common good to be managed for our benefit, but a commodity to be sold for profit. Read Full Cost Recovery [embedded link to this article]". And then below it, another lead-in sentence to the other article in the Concepts category. As the water pundits, you will know better than I how to lead in to each of these articles.
These introductory bits for the less well-informed (99.9% of folk) need to come towards the top of a page and not be buried at the bottom of a list of categories.
One other tiny thing: this text--"Though we are focused on the international context of the Scottish water industry" may make the public think that the articles are very Scotland-oriented and maybe not so relevant to the wider community, whereas I had a look at some of the articles and many appear to have European and global relevance. I would edit this out as it cuts you down to appear smaller than you are!
Sorry to give you work. These things take time and there are many portal pages that need a similar treatment. Once we have some public-friendly ones up and running, we can use the presentation as models for other pages.
If you get stuck on the technicalities pls email me or David.
thanks guys...--Claire Robinson 16:15, 25 November 2008 (UTC)
Coca Cola & water 'neutrality'
Hi Tommy, you may be aware that Coca Cola have announced its to become water 'neutral' some details of this PR exercise can be found at http://www.indiaresource.org/campaigns/coke/2008/neutrality.html which you may find intersting
Best wishes, --Lynn Hill 09:37, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
Thank you for the tip, Coca Cola's water actvities are on our to do list
Hi Tommy, Kyle
what a gorgeous portal page! congrats and thanks for all your work on it. writing this in a browser that doesn't let me sign... Claire R
leading into quotes
tiny point of style:
re Christopher Gasson article, do put yr quotes in context: see
I have done it in the CG article so you can see what I mean.
thanks for your work on water portal
--Claire Robinson 15:02, 23 May 2009 (UTC)
Global Water Operator Partnership Alliance
re Global Water Operator Partnership Alliance
2 tiny things:
only one space needed at end of each sentence in the age of computers rather than two. Like this. And this.
Also in following sentence could you pls code it as a footnote so that the link to the pdf is in the reference at foot of page? so you also need to write the sentence referring to the report.
So, you have:
The GWOPA is the eventual outcome of a report written by the late [[Ryutaro Hashimoto]], the ex Chair of [[United Nations Secretary-General’s Advisory Board on Water and Sanitation]] ([[UNSGAB]]). The report, now known as the [http://www.unsgab.org/docs/HAP_en.pdf Hashimoto Action Plan] (HAP), recognises how approximately 90% of the world’s water is supplied by public providers.
but this should be:
The GWOPA is the eventual outcome of a report written by the late [[Ryutaro Hashimoto]], the ex Chair of [[United Nations Secretary-General’s Advisory Board on Water and Sanitation]] ([[UNSGAB]]). The report, now known as the Hashimoto Action Plan (HAP), recognises that approximately 90% of the world’s water is supplied by public providers.<ref>[http://www.unsgab.org/docs/HAP_en.pdf Hashimoto Action Plan], publisher here if relevant, date if relevant, page no. if relevant, accessed date</ref>
I've left you to bung it in as I find things are more memorable that way...
best wishes and thanks --Claire Robinson 15:22, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
Thanks for the comments Clare, ill make the changes