Talk:Transparency International UK

From Powerbase
Jump to: navigation, search

Austin Mitchell MP and Professor of Accounting at the University of Essex, Prem Sikka's, Dirty Business: The Unchecked Power of Major Accountancy Firms

must stick this up on a notice board somewhere in the uni:

AUDITORS WANTED Major British companies require technically qualified auditors. The work is unsuitable for those with a social conscience.

The job is extremely well paid and secure. The market for auditing is guaranteed by the state. You can audit the same company for years and there is no independent measure of your performance. The right candidate can earn bonuses and promotion by using audit as a market stall to sell other services. Specialists in tax avoidance/evasion are especially welcome. Training to launder money is available. Special bonuses for innovative ways of massaging company accounts, forming offshore companies, devising off-balance sheet financing schemes and lightening tax burdens for the rich.

Successful candidates should be ready to devise and use irregular practices and falsify audit work. The ability to shred key documents at short notice is an advantage. Our experienced staff will provide expert training. You will not owe a ‘duty of care’ to any individual stakeholder. You will not be required to publish any information about your affairs. Your activities are lightly regulated by soft touch regulators who are sympathetic to auditors and their firms.

The standards of auditing are not demanding. Interest free loans, housing and favours from audit clients can be freely accepted. Fully bonded protection is available as our Institute is vastly experienced in whitewash and cover-up. You will learn how to individualise audit failures and blame everyone else for your shortcomings. No international regulator will gain access to your working papers. The Department of Trade and Industry will provide lucrative consultancy contracts but negligent audit firms will not be prosecuted. Political parties, politicians and ministers have been trained to understand your needs.

Please do not apply if you have concerns about audit failures causing loss of pensions, jobs, investments, savings and taxes must not apply. Send your CV and a list of achievements to any major accountancy firm and the Institute of Chartered Accountants. Copies should also be sent to the Secretary of State for Trade & Industry, Department of Trade & Industry, 1 Victoria Street, London SW1H OET.